Exorcism

Exorcism, or better said, possession, has always fascinated me. From the time I was a little girl and my Grandmother put a cross over my bed. She told me I should keep the cross and as such Jesus near to me and I would always be protected from Satanic possession. Well that scared the hell out of me and I added a Rosary to that cross and every time something "scary" or as I saw it, demonic, would happen I would pray the Rosary. Needless to say the first time I watched the Exorcist it was like my nightmare come to life. As an adult I still watch that movie and tremble. While my faith in Christ has ebbed and flowed, my fear of Possession has always been tangible and terrifying. When they say you had the fear of God put in you I can only assume that this is what they mean. Even in my most Agnostic moments I am, deep down, still frightened of Satan.

This leads me to ask, can one believe in the power of evil and not in the power of good? Is it possible for me to believe in Satan without believing in the God who banished him from his kingdom to live and rule in hell? There is a quote that goes something like "I know there is no God and I hope there is no Devil" My ex made fun of my for saying that was how I felt and said that it was a stupid quote. I do not believe it is. For it is easier in life to believe in things we know, and most of us have faced the darkness or evil of some sort. Hell my ex could very well be credited with bringing a large majority of that darkness. I often hear stories of good fortune and think, thats wonderful how that happened and sometimes, all be it rarely, I think, God had a hand in it. However; most often I see negative things, and these things always seem to me like the workings of the devil, the same devil that I still, even as an agnostic, I keep a rosary and a cross around my neck to protect myself from.

With my interest in Exorcism and possession explained I will come to a more amusing, all be it mean spirited conclusion. I was watching the Exorcist with my dad and right before the exorcism the priest says:
“Especially important is the warning to avoid conversations with the demon. We may ask what is relevant but anything beyond that is dangerous. He is a liar. The demon is a liar. He will lie to confuse us. But he will also mix lies with the truth to attack us. The attack is psychological, Damien, and powerful. So don’t listen to him. Remember that–do not listen” –Max von Sydow as Father Merrin in The Exorcist
This quote reminded me of the way that certain people have lied to me, and the way they continue to do so, men in particular. Is it then no wonder that the Devil is always portrayed as a man...?

For those of you upset by the end of the blog bear in mind I just had what could be called one of the most atrocious breakups where at time, and especially towards the end of the relationship, I felt I was in hell. I might be Jaded, but I am trying to have fun with it ;)